The Velvet Penguin

     Now I know I am in the gross minority here, but I am going to say it. The Departed was a bad movie. Now, calm down for a second and hear me out.

     Firstly, the acting was generic in my opinion- It was all one big attempt on the parts of all three leading men (and comically to a certain extent of the supporting roles) to show who had the biggest dick. This created a general wash of personality in my opinion and I didn’t really care what happened to who because I couldn’t distinguish one character from the other. Perhaps this was an artistic choice on the part of Scorsese, but if you ask me I much prefer to DISCOVER this rather than be told repeatedly. Also, I love Jack- but let’s face it, he has become a characture of himself at this point (thanks very much Witches of Eastwick)- And I don’t think doing something weird makes for good acting- It just makes it weird if the director can’t find a way to harness it’s potential within the thematic framework of the film.

     Second- the screenwriting was pretty bad in my opinion as well. The premise itself is ludicrous- it basically has the same plot line as a Schwartzenegger movie (i.e. the cops spend the whole movie trying to bust the bad guy legally and then in the end just wind up shooting him negating the whole process of the chase) except this movie’s leading men take themselves way too seriously. And, I’m sorry, but I don’t think the word "fuck" should be used as a comma. It loses it’s power after the 50th time it is uttered in 10 minutes.

    Lastly, the editing was terrible- I don’t usually look at this kind of thing but I found myself being constantly made aware of it with numerous jump cuts. Scorsese is no amatuer- what’s the deal?

     So, overall, I think this movie is on the bottom of Scorsese’s flicks. I came to the theater excited to see something I heard was the caliber of Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, Casino, and Goodfellas- instead I saw something which I felt, in many cases, was worse than Gangs of New York.

Tempe, Arizona

     Tempe Arizona resident, Mark Krey, was outraged today when he learned that Arizona is on the verge of passing a law that would require voters to provide a valid picture identification card at polling places before they would would be allowed to vote.  "I mean this is ridiculous," said Krey.  "I have enough trouble remembering whether or not I turned off the light in bathroom after I leave in the morning and now this.  Who’s the lunkhead coming up with these laws?"

     Elderly citizens are also outraged by this new measure.  Local Tempe bitty, Lily Rogals, was furious when she recalled hearing about this law.  "I have enough trouble remebering my kids’ names, and how to drive to the grocery store," said Rogals.  "Hell, trying to remember how to drive is a challenge.  Red means go and blah mean stop and myaah means blar.  Now I have to remember to pack my drivers’ license as well?  What a crock."

     In contrast, the Voter Identification law has been commended by it’s supporters for implementing a guarantee that illegal immigrants aren’t casting votes which could possibly sway the outcome of an election.  Republican candidate for Governor, Noah Smith, is backing this measure 100 percent.  "We republicans have enough trouble getting into office with all these tree hugging legal hippies running around," said Smith.  "The last thing we need is some destitute non-citizen putting his two-cents in.  Besides, we all know all those Immies vote democrat."

     In the end Krey doesn’t believe implementing this law will matter in the slightest when it comes to bi-partisan politics.  "Hey, I voted for Kerry and so did my gardner, Ernesto.  Bottom line: In the end neither of our votes did jack-shit for this country and some asshole we hate is still sending us off to get our shit blown to smithereens while he sits at home and smokes a Cuban cigar.  Now that’s democracy."