Villagers Outraged as Local Vampires Drain Blood Bank
Posted by: velvetpenguin in Current Affairs, Uncategorized
March 09, 2009
by Osed Spiff
Villagers in the small Transylvanian town of Sighisoara are furious this week, as local vampires have all but tapped their local blood bank.
The Transylvania town, well known for it’s night-feeding nosferatus had, of late, established a peaceful coexistence between villagers and das wamypr. “They would only take what they needed and associate with those who invited them into the house,” says villager, Klaus von Stauterburg. “The way we figured it was, if people were stupid enough to keep company with those that have the means to take away their livelihood, that’s their funeral.”
But what Sighisoara hadn’t prepared for was the droves of villagers looking to cash in on the opulent lifestyle of the vampire. “The all night parties, the cavernous mansions, the fancy clothes, the beautiful women. Before we knew it, half the town was vampires,” laments von Stauterburg.
The remaining villagers, fearing that the lack of remaining blood sources would destroy what remained of their town entirely, went to the Mayor who quickly decided the best thing to do would be for every remaining villager to donate their own blood to the local blood bank. “We hoped this would satisfy the vampires basic needs and restore some balance to the community,” said the Mayor.
“But that’s when the real trouble started,” says Trista Vanderhorn. “We gave the vampires our blood in good faith and they just sucked it dry. The blood was quickly devoured without so much as a thought as to where it had come from. We bailed them out and they acted like, well, vampires.”
When asked about their complete disregard for the public Head Vampire, Alin Iancu Gavrilescu, claimed “Listen, I had promised a lot of blood to a lot of people and you try telling a room full of vampires to drink responsibly when the glass is full and the getting’s good.”
This brazen display of apathy has ignited the local torches and pulled dusty pitchforks out of retirement. Everywhere across Sighisoara villagers are whittling away logs and making awful, awful puns about “stake dinners.”
“We should have known better,” says von Stauterberg rubbing garlic all over his body. “Once a vampire gets a taste for blood, they’ve got to have more and more. They’re never satisfied.”
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