Yo dude-
Seriously, what’s up? I turned on the tube when I woke up at 3pm and you were totally on it and pissing all kinds of people off. Look, I’m not looking to narc on your buzz, but man you got to chill out. I’m all for the Egalitarian lifestyle, dude, don’t get me wrong. I also dream of a world where there isn’t a man keeping me down or stealing my high. A place where we can just chill, you know? But you’re starting to talk crazy with all this “nuclear bomb” this and “merciless retaliation” that.
Listen man, I’m not telling you how to live your life or anything, this is a safe place. Why don’t you just take a few deep breaths and come over to mi casa? We’ll keep it casual, burn a few, and play some video games on my step-mom’s new hi-def. I know you’re into the threats and violence and stuff (which is totally cool, I’m not judging bra) so we can play Grand Theft Auto IV on the PS3. That’s right, a PS3 man. I totally borrowed it from Terrence last month and the dude got arrested on Thursday for feeding brownies to a Kindergarten class. Dude’s in jail for like, I don’t know, at least a year or something.
And you didn’t hear this from me, but Donna Hu was totally asking about you the other day. We were hanging out at Doug’s pool while his parents are out of town and she was wearing that blue bikini and it was hot and, oh man, I was pitching a tent, big time. Anyways, Donna was all like “So, what’s the deal with J?” At first I thought she was talking about Jeremy Serkis, but then I remembered he’s Armenian and Donna only dates Korean dudes. So, just to be sure, I said, “Oh, you mean the K-man? He’s cool.” And she was all like “Cool.” Dude, you’re in! How many times have you and I talked about tapping that? And dude, her dad owns like a restaurant or something. We could scarf some major proportions whenever we wanted. For free!
I know things are totally tense right now with all the U.N. sanctions and the border offensives and what not, but I think it would be in everyone’s best interest if you just took a vacay, got some of your aggression out on Terrence’s GTA, and made it with Donna. Things are getting way too heavy and you are getting a little too serious, bra. I mean, it’s like you told me that one time: Wavy Gravy always says “Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don’t have a sense of humor it just isn’t funny anymore.” I think it was you who told me that.
I’m not trying to preach at you or nothing, but it’s like the second rule of the Juche says dude: “Policy must reflect the will and aspirations of the masses and employ them fully in revolution and construction.” Well, last time I checked, the masses will was bent on playing some Dark Side of the Moon and aspiring to having it sync up with the Wizard of Oz perfectly. And I know you know that’s some revolutionary shit. After all, getting together and having an “il-in” time is what being a Communist is all about, isn’t it?
Call me on my cell, dude.
Jimmy Kwan
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